It’s crazy how one person can change so much. In this case M. Spent an hour talking to him like if we were in middle school. Being gross. & cute ish. & he said “there’s only one thing I don’t like about you” its that I’m late. I can fix that. Totally.
So confused & unhappy. My biggest pain is not knowing. I don’t know anything. How to express what’s wrong. It scares me
Terrible day. Ugly orange hair that everyone likes but I HATE, & just been in a really bad mood :(
My sister cuts herself because of me. Because I’m not there for her..
Just smoked. Not just, it’s 10:15 & I smoked @ 6. Still up there. Had a long, boring sleepy day. Took like 15 naps @ work. Was grouchy. Didn’t talk to Mike much. After work hung out with Monica, talked about Mike. & my love life. How im super scared of making myself a person mike will like even more, because he can either fall in love with me, or break my heart. & both...
Not in the best mood, not angry or upset, Just kinda numb& depressed. Bleh
Not “the beginning”, not a “new start”, just Lily right here, right now. Who I used to be, who I am, & who I wish I was are 3 completely different people. & instead of going back to who I was, or moving on to who I want to be, I’m stuck being anything I can. I’m grasping for the chance of any feeling, being so lost you don’t care gets tough. I just...